You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All I want is dick and wine.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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