Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
