seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
