her vagina looked like bernie madoff
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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