I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
