He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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