I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
