If that was your dad, he is hot
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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