i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
