nut hugger
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
