I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
