Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
