oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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