I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
