Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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