You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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