i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
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Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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