I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
