i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
