And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
