Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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