So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
