Don't make out with my wife yet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
