he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
