ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
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Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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