Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
