its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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