i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
