My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
