if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
