you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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