I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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