Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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