high people should be assigned attendants
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
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you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
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It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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