Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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