Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
