Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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