I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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