last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
