She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
