Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
