Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
