So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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