When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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