I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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