During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
