We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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