I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
