Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
