Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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