I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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