This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
