Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm like, not good at living.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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