I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
