Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
