He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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