True but thats because hes a fetus.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
