wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My breasts were aching with rage.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
