then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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