take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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