I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
