It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
