My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
