Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
