i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How does one acquire holy water?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
